Boat counting by-laws
 

A look at the last couple runs and you can see the canoes are polling well. 7 canoes vs. 6 kayaks. The canoes can win the boat count if the turn out is low. Now, I would never want to discourage turnout, but it got me thinking.
So I talked to club President and canoe owner Mike about how we could make it "more fair" for canoes in the count. A few new by-laws may be in order.
First up: A strict new BOATER I.D. BY-LAW. It will say that the name on your photo I.D. must match the name on the boat registration that you are padding or..... YOUR BOAT WILL NOT COUNT!
Kayakers always seem to have several boats laying around and they hand them out to friends, relatives and passers-by with no other purpose than to pad the kayak count.
Canoes on the other hand are rarely lent or borrowed.

Secondly: AN END TO EARLY BOAT COUNTING.
The "official" count won't take place until after the run, subject to the following:
If you or your kayak have to be rescued by a canoe, YOUR BOAT WILL NOT COUNT!
You have technicality sunk and did not finish.

If you have to have a canoe carry any of your gear, YOUR BOAT WILL NOT COUNT. You have become part of that canoe, therefore not a separate boat.

If you finish BEHIND the last canoe on the run, YOUR BOAT WILL NOT COUNT!
If you can't out-paddle old folks in a canoe, you don't deserve to be counted.

We will be discussing these by-laws at the next secret meeting of the canoe faction of the TCT. At this time we will also be forming a PAC (paddling action committee) whose purpose will be to promote the canoe and canoe usage and to convert those from the darkside.

Mike and I are looking forward to many more canoe wins in the future.
Ed " Mad River" Rigby

To enforce the new rules, Mike will be appointing a boat count "CZAR" at the next canoe faction meeting.

Outstanding piece of work Ed. My hat is off to you. I won't even attempt any sort of reply. Your article is just too good for that. Well done.

Too funny!
 

Excellent, that is why Ed was a former president.
"Pack Man"

This is absolutely hilarious! I only wish I could have been there to watch Bob K(ayak)'s reaction as he was reading this.

JP "Tripper" Tolson

After taking care of all us kayakers, does helping carry those big canoes back to your cars get us any points?

Sounds like Bob K just made a new friend the in never-ending canoe vs. kayak tussle!!

Gone off the deep edge.....
 

I think someone's been terribly affected by too many political commercials. And besides...canoes should only count if they are made of wood, bark or skins. KenM

or Royalex

Amendment to boat count by -laws
 

On todays run we had 2 canoes and 2 kayaks, a tie you might say. But I am proposing a tie breaker. It would be based on total linear feet of the type of boat. So, today we had a 16 ft canoe and a 17ft canoe, 33ft of canoes. the kayaks were only a 10 and 12ft, 22ft total, CANOES WIN! This could even be used to calculate all totals from now on! Four 16 ft canoes would be MORE than 6, 10ft kayaks! It's only fair! I'll bring this up at the next secret meeting of the canoe faction.